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Post by sam on Dec 5, 2014 6:52:37 GMT -5
EPIC POETRY BATTLE OF THE CENTURY!
Matt in Red,
Sam in Blue,
Who wins? Who's Next?
YOU DECIDE! |
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Post by sam on Dec 5, 2014 6:53:57 GMT -5
Matt:
A Man named Sam once challenged me,
to a poetry duel of the ages,
he said with no stutter and quite openly,
"Write a poem about purple oranges"
and that, I thought was outrageous.
However, not to turn down a duel,
I stood on my stool,
and I threw his ass back into poetry school.
There are but two words that rhyme with Orange,
The first being large and tall,
A welsh mountain with the name of Blorenge,
While the second is actually quite small.
Now I hear you wonder,
what can it be?
This word that could cause such splender?
What I would do for a nice cup of tea,
No, not a cup but a sort of sack,
A place in the dark where spores a made,
Not a sack that one would wear on their back,
But a sack that'd last a decade.
So what is this word,
that rhymes with Orange?
Okay, so let it be heard,
That word would be Sporange.
So Orange and Sporange,
and Orange and Blorenge,
Are words that one could rhyme,
and that, I must say, is very much sublime.
Now back to the part,
where Oranges are purples,
So listen and take to heart,
We know that oranges are circles,
So this I must impart;
If oranges are circles,
why are turtles not purple?
But circles can be eternal,
So if oranges are purple...
and circles are eternal...
What would happen to squares?
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Post by sam on Dec 5, 2014 6:54:22 GMT -5
Sam:
A man named Matt,
with his poetry skill.
Hes a bit of a brat,
maybe just mentally ill.
A poetry battle he wanted,
only to be found with regret.
His orange rhyme taunted,
he saw my poem what a fret.
Not knowing he would lose,
his ignorance did amuse.
Sam's poem caused such a bruise,
Matt should have just had a snooze.
Odin he calls a war goat,
yet in the ring Bruce will win.
Odin getting punched in the throat,
getting smashed back to Berlin.
Matt leaves in shame,
failing to conquer Sam.
Odin left with the blame,
coz Bruce won the fight BAM!
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Post by sam on Dec 5, 2014 6:54:42 GMT -5
Matt:
Oh what is this?
Is Sam stepping up?
Victory ain't his.
Coz he's just a pup.
This ozzy thinks he's hard,
Coz he can spit some rhyme,
I tell ya I'll leave him scarred,
I aint beat a punk ass ozzy in time.
He's got him self a roo,
Brucey is his name,
He thinks it's in his crew,
But that shit's pretty lame.
Odin can kick his ass,
Putting little brucey in his place,
Odin has such class,
As he shits on brucey's face.
Sam's got nothing on me,
Brucey's got nothing on Odin,
He's just a fuckin' trainee,
His life's still loadin'
Ain't nothing he can say against it,
He knows it's all the truth,
No chance he can beat a Brit,
He's just an ozzy youth.
*drops mic*
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Post by sam on Dec 5, 2014 6:54:58 GMT -5
Sam:
*Picks up mic*
Matt is getting cocky,
insulting my kangaroo.
is he a disk jockey,
has he bitten more then he can chew?
I'm an ossy youth,
as England betrayed me.
sent as a convict that's the truth,
coz he stole a cup of tea.
My ancestor was poor,
starving in Britain.
how to grow food, no pasture?
his trial never written.
There was a positive though,
Australia was brucey's home.
with ozzy food he could grow,
No more British dome.
ozzy the lucky country,
the place you made us come.
brits could only try,
they really are to dumb.
Matt thinks I can't win,
so does Jesus Cruz.
When I win i'll have a grin,
will even leave a bruise.
*Throws mic to crowd, as matt starts to rap the sound of booing is all that's heard until security finally recovers the mic*
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Post by sam on Dec 5, 2014 6:55:17 GMT -5
Sam hasn't got a clue,
He's talking out his arse,
An Brucey's bullshit too,
He thinks this is a farce.
So stealing a cup o' tea,
got you sent to ozzy lands,
but if it were up to me,
you'd be losing both your hands.
They let you off too lightly,
sending you on vacation,
Your wildlife is quite frightly,
so it's still a shitty nation.
You'll never escape from Britain,
We'll punish you all your life,
You better heed what's been written,
Or I'll stab you with a knife.
You never steal tea from an Englishman,
Unless you have a death wish,
You better go hide in Kazakhstan,
Coz I'll send you to sleep with the fish.
If you haven't learnt your lesson,
Or tried to change your ways,
You better ease the tension,
Or you'll be set ablaze.
*in honour of Britain everyone puts on a top hat and monocle.*
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Post by sam on Dec 5, 2014 6:55:31 GMT -5
Sam:
Big brit big matt,
he defends his tea.
The brits can't bat,
ashes come brit supporters flee.
Some say age is wisdom,
its really just dementia.
my youth gives freedom,
you just get the pension.
brits tea drinking shits,
only Churchill was a lad.
england is the pits,
the empire was a fad.
I'm an aussie,
will fight to the death.
having the queen is costly,
you need to smoke less meth.
if you give up,
i will not judge.
drink my piss from a paper cup,
wining this battle i will not budge.
I'll fight you til I drop,
I don't care about your gender.
you will just flop,
I WILL NEVER SURRENDER!
*Crowd cheers*
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Post by Jarl Matt on Dec 5, 2014 7:25:58 GMT -5
The crowd ain't cheering,
They're laughing at you,
You're ruining their hearing,
Coz your rhymes are poo.
And Bitch please,
Age is everything,
we sent you overseas,
coz you're embarrassing.
You owe us respect,
for not taking your life,
this aint what I expect,
coz you're causing so much strife.
You're running your mouth,
Hatin' on the Brits,
Coz we sent you south,
when you were little shits.
You're living down under,
You should chill and be cool,
Stop acting like a boy wonder,
You look like such a fool.
I lost all respect for you,
When you bitched about the queen,
you and your bloody kangaroo,
you're a fuckin' sardine.
Her Majesty is sacred,
Her Majesty is good,
Sam's just hated,
If only he understood.
*Rule Britannia! starts blasting out the speakers*
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Post by sam on Dec 5, 2014 7:41:49 GMT -5
Looking at the poll,
Matts about to lose.
winning is his goal,
you mine as well snooze.
Where's the queen now,
you really need her vote.
is odin a goat or a cow,
he is larger then a boat.
When you started,
I was amazed at yo skill.
Your now not supported,
your poll score should be nil.
You patriotic brits,
what do you stand for?
you'll never get a kiss,
you belong on the floor.
You pretend your goats for war,
can he even hold a sword?
Odins a goat whore,
Odin should never get an award.
Matt cannot rap,
my raps make people erect.
All his lips do is flap,
get wrecked!
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Post by Jarl Matt on Dec 5, 2014 8:12:09 GMT -5
I fear you spoke to soon,
Young Master Sam,
The people will not swoon,
To vote for you, madame.
The queen is at home as usual,
and she wouldn't vote anyway,
as that shits unconstitutional,
You'll soon be running away.
You're just a copy cat,
You'll never have more skill,
You really are a pratt,
Kicking your ass will be a thrill.
I stand for honor,
I stand for my nation,
While you're nothing but a goner,
Popping medication.
How dare you insult Odin,
He does not need a sword,
He has his teeth for murderin'
He will never be ignored.
And must I correct you once again,
This is not a rapping contest,
It's a poetry slam to entertain,
You're getting pretty distressed!
You haven't learned the ground rule,
When you were in preschool,
Acting like a fucking tool,
Will never make you cool.
Brah.
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Post by Jarl Matt on Dec 5, 2014 10:14:35 GMT -5
Whoever it was that voted against me,
I challenge you to slam me, G.
Lets make this shit a 3 way slam,
winner gets a honey roast ham?
Write your slam, pick a colour.
I'll prove you ain't no scholar,
You'll pay your respects to the British Nation,
Or you'll face a life of utter damnation.
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Post by sam on Dec 5, 2014 21:30:21 GMT -5
Big man Matty,
hes a little bit batty.
hes actually just bratty,
his poems are crappy.
Poor odin living with you,
He deserves a better home.
He'd be safer at the zoo,
He should move to rome.
I shoudln't insult the queen,
her poems would kick your arse.
to stay up past 10 u need caffeine,
you never get intercourse.
You want a third in the slam,
so maybe u don't come last.
you'd fail a poem exam,
you're old and not fast.
If you want to win this,
better get some more skill.
if u win I'll change my name to chris,
if you lose change yours to bill.
to scared to take the challenge,
lets make a bet as well.
your debates arn't valid,
when you lose don't yell!
*If you voted matt and like this change those votes*
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Post by Jarl Matt on Dec 8, 2014 5:32:55 GMT -5
Your resorting to profanities,
Causing inhumanities,
Coz you ain't got no skill,
An I'm gonna get the kill.
Why would you hate on my pet?
You have no need to fret,
You don't know how he feels,
Odin gets all the best deals.
He wouldn't like Rome,
As England is his home,
He'd think it too hot,
so he'd hate it a lot.
And I have to agree,
The Queens rapping spree,
Is really quite cool,
She'd take us both back to school.
You think I'm about to fade?
Bitch, last night I got laid.
Just need to travel to the slum,
to put my dick in yo mum.
But please don't take offense,
I don't want it to be tense,
I've got something to tell you laddie,
I'm actually your Daddy!
I hid from you all these years,
Coz I party'd and drank beers,
You weren't planned my son,
All I could do was run.
It looks like you're losing this,
I'm gonna have to call you Chris,
At least it's better than Sam,
Your name's what made me scram.
Sorry. ;D
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Post by sam on Dec 9, 2014 6:16:03 GMT -5
Come at me matt,
lets just fight.
I'll give you a bat,
you can pretend to smite.
You think I have no skill,
yet you'll soon be called bill.
You just cannot win,
wipe off that grin.
Go hide behind odin,
He's weak but better then you.
that should be my slogan,
You'd be lucky if we drew.
Keep trying to win this fight,
use your tiny amount of might.
Coz your poems are shit,
make my brain have a fit.
You should be gettin worried,
go drink more pale ale.
this lose must make you thirsty,
You deserve to live in jail.
Don't apologize to me,
I'm not as soft as you.
your piss weak like a flee,
hopefully you will pull through.
(No hard feelings matt your top.)
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Post by Jarl Matt on Dec 9, 2014 6:44:45 GMT -5
You after fisty cuffs?
You haven't got the strength,
All your strikes I'll rebuff,
You're lacking on the arm length.
Let me place down my top hat,
and I'll face you one on one,
Odin can fight your kangaroo rat,
while I beat you just for fun.
There will be no shame in losing,
You tried your very best,
Please don't resort to boozing,
I know you're gonna be stressed.
If you're a gracious loser,
I might even offer you tea,
But if you're a drug user,
There's no way you'll get it for free.
Now if you keep being rude,
You'll cause embarrassment,
And if you remain so crude,
You'll be done for harassment.
So Sir, don your top hat and cape,
Join me on the promenade,
and spark a friendship to take shape,
There's no need to be afraid.
Let us not act in violence,
But let the anger silence.
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Post by sam on Dec 9, 2014 21:41:53 GMT -5
Matt mate just give up now,
Please don't be crying when you lose. 
You have more skill then a sedated cow,
the people that vote Sam have real views.
come at me big fella,
bring your goat to.
I could fight you drunk on Stella,
I think its time I run a coup.
I feel sorry for odin,
maybe a foster home will do.
His mental state is broken,
Thats just so true!
What even is this,
Matt trying so hard.
His poems like piss,
Sam's just bombard.
Do you know how to lead,
you'd let your people starve.
Do me a favor and don't breed.
Do you even have a nerve?
Matt you suck,
Sam you don't suck.
This is the truth,
Your poems are like a pulling wisdom tooth!
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Post by Andrew Ryan on Dec 9, 2014 21:53:40 GMT -5
Ohhhhh!!!
All the people covering their eyes from that burn.
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Post by Jarl Matt on Dec 10, 2014 6:24:39 GMT -5
Okay then Sammy boy,
If you're not gonna play nice,
More vulgar words I must deploy,
Oh man you'll pay the price.
Stella is made for pussys,
wife beaters and racists,
But really you're a wussy,
you're worse than a rapist.
You're worried about my goat,
When you're shagging kangaroos,
Someone should cut your throat,
You have some fucked up views.
You think I'm trying hard?
I could cuss you in my sleep,
unlike you, ya fucking retard,
I'm not a bloody creep.
You think you can beat a Brit,
You'd be sorely mistaken,
You aint got that fightin' spirit,
I'll leave you sore and shaken.
Your rhymes are shit,
when ya gonna quit?
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Post by sam on Dec 10, 2014 7:47:43 GMT -5
Okay then Sammy boy,
If you're not gonna play nice,
More vulgar words I must deploy,
Oh man you'll pay the price.
Stella is made for pussys,
wife beaters and racists,
But really you're a wussy,
you're worse than a rapist.
You're worried about my goat,
When you're shagging kangaroos,
Someone should cut your throat,
You have some fucked up views.
You think I'm trying hard?
I could cuss you in my sleep,
unlike you, ya fucking retard,
I'm not a bloody creep.
You think you can beat a Brit,
You'd be sorely mistaken,
You aint got that fightin' spirit,
I'll leave you sore and shaken.
Your rhymes are shit,
when ya gonna quit? Hahahaha fuck you matt I just spat my ice coffee all over the key board Will reply soon I promise but its 12 and sammy boy is tired |
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Post by sam on Dec 11, 2014 4:30:53 GMT -5
I give you win.
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Post by Andrew Ryan on Dec 11, 2014 7:24:55 GMT -5
...its done, its all over, we made it
I am pretty sure we should mark on my calendar of significant events the end of this great battle
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